Stroke has changed my sexual desire. Will this get better?
Stroke can change your body. It can also change the way you feel about yourself. This may affect how you see your own sexuality. It may take some time to adjust to these changes. Intimacy may look different for everyone.
Many factors may affect your sexuality after a stroke, including:
- weakness or changes in feeling on one side of the body
- fatigue
- mood changes
- medications
- pain
- bladder and bowel issues
- speech impairment (aphasia)
- feeling insecure about your body image
As your body heals, your sexual feelings and desire for sex will slowly return.
Some people have physical changes after a stroke that cause difficulties with erections or ejaculation, vaginal dryness, difficulty having orgasms, and a lower sex drive (less desire for sex).
Tips to manage changes to sexuality after stroke:
- Communicate with your partner and be patient.
- If you have trouble speaking, explore new ways of communicating such as using gestures or facial expressions.
- Explore different forms of intimacy such as holding hands, hugging, cuddling, kissing.
- Plan ahead to avoid fatigue and stress.
- Try self-stimulation of your genitals or other sensitive areas of your body.
- If you are struggling with incontinence, avoid having large amounts of water 2 hours before sex.
- Consider different types of lubrication (for example: K-Y® Lubricant).
- Consider using pillows for positioning the side of the body with weakness.
Most people can return to a healthy sex life after a stroke, but it can take time. It may help to talk openly and share your feelings with partners and health care providers about how the stroke has affected you sexually. Remember your health care team can help – ask any questions you may have about managing intimacy and sex after stroke.
If you are taking medicines, talk to your family doctor. Sometimes, medicines can change your desire for sex.
How can I be intimate with my partner safely after a stroke?
Start with talking openly with your partner. Communication you’re your partner is important. Share how the stroke has affected you both. Share your feelings. Talk about what sexual activity would be comfortable for you.
If you are not ready for sex, you can simply enjoy being close with your partner. You can be close with touching, kissing and hugging.
Your sex life might be different after a stroke but it is not the end of it. Take time to explore what works best for you and your partner. You may find it helpful speaking to a sex therapist. They can offer counselling and therapy relating to sex and relationships.
Video credit: National Stroke Foundation
Talking and sharing openly can help you and your partner manage any challenges. You can still enjoy a loving, complete relationship!
The following resources have been created to help answer questions you may have about intimacy and sex after stroke
- Intimacy and Sex After Stroke FAQ
- Stroke Medications Pamphlet
- Comfortable Sex Positions For Patients Who Have Had a Stroke
- Supportive Positioning for Sexual Activity
- Comfortable Sex Positions After Stroke – Aphasia-friendly
Having read the information in this section, consider the following
- Do I know if it is safe to have sex again?
- If I am unable to have intercourse, do I know how to be intimate?
- If I am unable to speak after my stroke, do I know other ways to express my feelings and needs?
- Do I know who to talk to about intimacy after my stroke (for example: equipment, different positions or medications)?
Questions for partners
- My partner’s sexual behaviours are different than before the stroke. Do I know what is causing this? Am I coping well with these changes?
- Is it possible to be both a caregiver and sexual partner?